As We Celebrate Mother's Day What Makes You Happy?

 

We are often asked this question as an ice breaker with new friends, during job interviews, or at random social gatherings.  This topic comes up frequently. There are numerous books and google searches for the secret to happiness. It is asked in one form or another at every networking event attended. Happiness appears to be a trendy status measure and thus we are quick to answer.  The expectation is that everyone around us is happy. We are inundated with shares of how great life is on all forms of social media platforms. On the surface, it is easy to say we are happy but what does this mean? There is so much going on in the world, and to navigate life’s daily challenges, I have attempted to better understand my path to happiness. 

As an avid reader and student of life's curiosities, I began exploring this concept several years back when I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  She looked at a multitude of things we normally do with ideas to be more intentional with focus. The goal is to make our lives more meaningful and fulfilling. My approach was to read one chapter per month as I tackled little things that made my day-to-day life happy. Examples included making time to listen to others, clearing physical space to be able to work, and exercising routines to clear my mind. I also read Maria Condo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing and figured out how to find “joy” in the things I keep in possession. 

Last year I downsized and have started to begin a new life path that would allow me to explore this question in greater depth.  I am learning how to prioritize and say Let It Go to the things that weigh me down by setting boundaries and doing things I want to focus on. It takes self-awareness to learn to say no and that we can’t do it all.  There are only so many hours in a day and we need to figure out what will bring the most satisfaction for the effort expended. 

Over the past year, I have started to shift my career focus to freelance writing. I have been taking courses with the AWAI where this topic often comes up in writing prompts. Most recently as a writer, I began posting “happiness is” posts on Instagram as my form of a gratitude journal. I am trying to figure out what makes me happy on a more focused basis at the end of each day.

My passion has always been to help people find the right resources to achieve their goals.  I see myself as a connector.  I have been strong as a project manager and therefore my brain automatically thinks about the task at hand and the pieces needed to get the desired result.  This can be simple things like someone needing a helping hand with a household project or working with a non-profit to plan a fundraising benefit event. I particularly love things centered around the arts and have been a producer for over 30 community theater-based musicals. 

As I was thinking about this theme today as I just purchased tickets to see the revival of Funny Girl on Broadway this weekend. The song People had just come on Amazon music. I have always considered myself a people person. It clicked that this is what makes me happy. The opportunity for me to be around others to create a positive result from our connection makes me happy. 

In my new book Coffee Connections: Finding Common Ground Through My Daily Brew I use coffee to connect with others. The book's primary theme is how coffee meet-ups have served as a mechanism to find a common bonding before tackling a project. I flourish when I can be with others, and we connect for a mutually beneficial cause. This motivates and makes me happy. I guess I can answer the question as I better understand that “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world”. I hope everyone reading this will be inspired to figure out what makes them happy. Wishing all the great MOMS out there a Happy Mother's Day!!

Wendy is a Realtor and Freelance writer residing on Cape Cod. She enjoys networking and writing to connect her ideas and curiosities with people she meets.   She welcomes your comments.  

Pass over the clutter and spring cleaning

As the spring holiday of Passover approaches I always try to clean my home in anticipation of hosting a seder dinner.  I got a jump start on my adrenal by helping a family member move to a new apartment in New York, a few weeks ago and this was my primary inspiration to this blog.  My next motivation came as I started cleaning my kitchen and found the March issue of Prevention Magazine under piles of mail.  One article that popped out was How to Declutter Your Home, One Room at a Time.  In this article are simple steps to declutter your home and simplify your life.   There are 26 small steps suggested to do one day at a time.   

As I approached the move in New York,  I had a sudden clutter attack when I entered a room full of "stuff".  Although I try to keep accumulated things under control in my own home, this was not the case in this apartment.  I was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that could be passed over (and thrown out) and the importance of getting rid of things as one goes along.  After an intense attack session we managed to clear the room out in under 10 hours.  See the photos below.  

We need to get in the habit of getting rid of clutter.  Each time you buy a new clothing garment, for example, ask yourself ....is there an older one you will no longer wear? If yes give it away.  After you use a toiletry item, throw it out or after you finish reading a magazine recycle it.  Clean up as you go.  Do your laundry weekly so it doesn’t pile up to 90 plus pounds.  Get rid of the junk and clutter as it can grow beyond control.  If you move frequently (millennials- learn to go with the minimalist lifestyle as it is much easier to pick up and go).  

BEFORE PHOTO

AFTER PHOTO

If you are feeling the declutter vibes there are many great articles and books on this subject.  One author who has inspired me is Gretchen Rubin who wrote The Happiness Project .  She has a new book out  Outer Order, Inner Calm which definitely goes into depth about simplifying life to be calmer.  Perhaps you now feel inspired to get a jump start on a cleaning project.  If you don't know where to begin you can always hire a professional (I have a network for referrals) but it just takes drive and small steps.   You will feel much better as you shed the excess.  I wish you a happy and clutter free start to spring holidays and a simplified summer.

Wendy is a realtor at Coldwell Banker Needham who loves to read, write, walk her dog and work towards a simpler lifestyle.   You can visit her blog at www.wendybcb.com.  

My Personal Journey Through Bookland

When my friend, Kevin Walsh emailed me to share his latest project "Why I Read Non-Fiction" , a podcast interviewing guests about non-fiction books I was intrigued.  When he followed up to see if I would like to be a guest I was humbled.   I replied back to express interest,  Then he followed up with a phone call and after a brief conversation I was hooked.  After I said yes, he sent me a short questionnaire to prepare for the podcast.   Since this point my brain and ideas began flowing.  

How many of us have family photos of that special moment when you or your child are at either a family or memorable sporting event?  Sure these moments had a role in developing who we are today but let me ask another question, how many of us have taken photos of a child reading a book?  I know I have a few somewhere of our oldest son reading "Good Night Moon" as he started his love for reading at a young age and used to carry this with him everywhere. ( not sure I can find the photo or would post it here).  As we tend to take photos of our kids participation in extracurricular activities shouldn't reading be front and foremost in their development?

To prepare for the podcast, I began a journey through my relationship with books and the impact they have had on my life.  When I was a child,  my Dad always said a good book should be treated like your best friend.  He said to always respect and take utmost care of a book. Writing or bending a page would be equal to defacing a human body with a tattoo to my Dad.  I was shocked in college to see students writing in text books.  

As I began this journey in my head, I started to recollect the many books I read growing up.  Full disclosure, in my formative years I was less enthusiastic about non-fiction than I am today.  As a child of a history teacher (my Dad was as avid Jewish and American historian),  I lived in a home with 24/7 oral history lessons and was thus more drawn to fiction as my escape.  My memory is not as detailed as I hoped so I posted this quest on a Facebook group I am part of to see what non-fiction and fiction books were memorable to my high school classmates.  I also went through my book shelves to  revisit the books I had collected through the years.  

I grew up in a house of books,  When my parents passed away about 3-6 years ago,  my brother and I had the job of cleaning their estate in Florida.  My Dad had accumulated a vast collection of primarily non-fiction books totally over 10,000 spread throughout an 1800 sq ft condo.  Books were on shelves, stacked next to shelves, buried in boxes, under beds and furniture and literally in any empty spot.  

Due to space and costliness it would not be feasible to keep the entire collection that was housed in Florida or move it North where we both live.   I could not go through the process of an estate sale, however,  without doing the Marie Kondo approach to cleaning.  I had to literally go through and look at each book before either deciding to keep it, sell or donate it.  

Donate: We tried to donate as much as feasible but were turned down by many a museum or non-profit who either lacked space or funding to pay for shipping.   We donated a collection of books to the St. Petersburg Florida Holocaust Museum as we felt these would be shared and put to good use.     
Sell: There were many typical Barnes & Nobles type books that we sold to a local storefront for a fixed amount per book due to the size and volume.   Some coffee table and nicer books we sold as part of an actual estate sale.     
Keep: As I went through the books I put together my own collection that I would ship home, as did my brother and my son.  There were certain collections we agreed to keep in the family to pass on to future generations.  Then there were the random books of interest.  We ended up keeping at most about a tenth of the collection between the three of us.  

Many of the books I chose to keep were books that were cherished by my parents or would fill a void of the lessons my Dad shared orally while I was young and now yearn to learn more about as an adult. I ended up keeping many of the Jewish history books of periods I didn't recall paying attention to.  The same goes to many of his U.S. History collection.   It took me close to 18 months to go through the collection and I did box many to go through now at home. 

As I have begun to morph my own collection and reflect on their significance I would write and go on for hours.  I think the main revelation that has emerged in my mind is the wealth of knowledge and ideas that books provide us.  Each book I have kept has important relevance to my life.  I learn bits and pieces about human nature and key values in each one that I read that I believe reflect who I am as a person.  As an adult now,  many of the newer non-fiction books span the history of my lifetime.  Reading these allows me to learn what others experienced in contrast to my more limited perspective in a suburban middle class community.  

As stated before I read mostly fiction in my younger days.  At that point I was surrounded by a generation of relatives who tended to dwell more in the past and I was ready to progress towards newer ideas.  Perhaps reading non-fiction I felt would keep me less relevant in a rapidly changing world of the 60s and 70s.  I now know this was the wrong perspective.  

Each one of us has a story to tell.  I often volunteer at the local Council of Aging and want to converse when seniors share their history.   Sadly of late,  even at funerals I listen and learn so much about a person during the eulogy.  Reading non-fiction is a vital piece of the human puzzle.  I particularly enjoy reading memoirs and historic fiction these days and look forward to reading whenever I can.  To me reading is like taking a vacation in my head where I can be transported into new worlds and ideas beyond the day to day routines.  I will go into a bookstore or log on to my kindle app to buy a bookclub book, only to find myself discovering many other books I also end up buying.  The more I read the more I quest to learn more about human nature.  

I am thankful for Kevin's invitation and the opportunity to be allowed to go back through my memory bank of books.    For my podcast interview I have spent the last week reflecting on the many books I have read and compiled a list of new non-fiction books I want to read.  This process has been a wonderful exercise for me and I liken it to revisiting my favorite vacation spots and planning my next ones.  The list keeps growing and thus I am glad summer is approaching.   My favorite summer routine is to read on the beach at Cape Cod.  

I am excited to be part of the new pod-cast and to listen to other avid readers share their viewpoints on reading non-fiction.  I will update this blog with information on how you can also listen to the podcast when it is available.

Wendy is a Realtor with Coldwell Banker in Needham.  She loves to help and meet new people.  As mentioned above she is an avid reader.  She also loves the arts and travel.   She hopes you will listen to the podcast and visit her website to learn more about her services.    www.wendybcb.com

How to Best Prepare for End of Life Choices

A few years ago when my Mom passed away the Hesed Committee (a support group within my Synagogue) gave me a book called "Happier Endings" by Erica Brown.   The premise in the book was the various ways individuals and cultures tackle and prepare for the end of life. The author's interest grew from her own experiences with family members who had gone through difficult times including surviving the holocaust and a cousin who took her life unexpectedly.  This author wanted to get an understanding of what drove some people to react how they did as the inevitable approached.

It was mentioned that those with a sudden death are short changed and not given the opportunity to do the things they had hoped for and paradoxically those with long ailments may have the time but not the stamina.  As I read the book I personally explored the experience I had with my parents and another close family member.  While my Dad had longer drawn out health issues he was a trooper with a strong will to live and do what he could up until the last moments.  Likewise my Mom who was stricken with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer was in full control of her ending and settling her personal estate up until her very end.  She wanted to be and was basically in full control of all her decisions up until the last days.

From this experience I have started to think about and build my own framework for these difficult choices with my husband.  It is important to be sure you have a long term health plan in place.  Additionally financial and estate planning are musts.  A living will may be a good tool to start.  If you have a lot of stuff it, I recommend learning how to declutter and donate.  A few good books on this topic include The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson and The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. by Maria Kondo. 

A new book by Katy Butler is coming out on February 19 that addresses how to prepare for a good end of life.  There is an overview of “The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life,” in today's Wall Street Journal.  What I take away from reading this article and the books above are that we all will face difficult decisions down the road.    The best choices are made when there is time for research and evaluating best options.  When decisions must be made because a crisis hits things can be rushed, emotional and often there less good options available.  I always heard that "an informed decision is a good decision".  We want to make our personal journeys  meaningful and the least disruptive to those we love.

As an SRES realtor I am trained and enjoy reading about opportunities to better serve my more senior clients.  As a volunteer producer of theater events we often can rehearse, plan and script a how but a good outcome requires planning and preparation.  I am always available for a quick conversation or the opportunity to work with clients and their families who may be contemplating a transition.  Feel free to check out my website at www.wendybcb.com  or to send me an email or contact preferences.  

döstädning

When one gets married part of the wedding vow includes the words "until death due us part".  As we accumulate much of our possessions throughout adulthood how many items have you saved since this special day:your entire life? Does the thought of downsizing scare you because you have closets filled to the brim?  How much stuff do you have in your home that is never used or just takes up space?  Often when a parent passes away the heirs find things that probably date back to their parents childhood hidden away and unused for decades.  Burdened by their own junk the likelihood of wanting to add more to the mix is low.

In Sweden,  the concept of  döstädning Death Cleaning literally means the process of cleaning out your stuff while you are alive.  Margareta Magnusson explains her approach to cleaning in her new book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning:  How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter.  She writes with simplicity and humor as she walks through the process of sorting things to organize all aspects of one's collective being.   She talks about the physical as well as cyber accumulations we all have.

Magnussan's approach is somewhat familiar if you have read Maria Kondo's book on Tidying Up.  Both suggest separating the things you wish to hold vs the things you no longer need.  I read the Kondo book a few years ago and have followed many of the organization techniques in my current living space.  Magnusson's focus, since she is a bit older, is on downsizing and freeing oneself of possessions no longer used.  She suggests giving things away to loved ones while you can.  She emphasizes that your heirs will not attach the same meaning or share the same taste in your stuff.

Why hold onto things only to burden the next generation? Wouldn't it be much more practical and meaningful to pass items on that your children selectively want and figure out a plan to divest of the rest?  There may be opportunity to transfer all else to a meaningful end user who will really appreciate these items.

In the Boston Sunday Globe yesterday there was a great article about pop-up museums in the local area.  One man has collected telephones and recently opened a Telephone Museum in Waltham, Mass. He is excited to share his love of the telephone and to teach younger children about this passion.  Similarly there are a few other interesting museums that have popped up where collectors are able to share their wares.  Imagine how great it would be if you had a place to divest of your valued collections where others could enjoy and share in your interests.

Not everyone has things worthy of a museum collection but I do believe that "One man's junk is another man's treasure."  There are plenty of ways to repurpose or donate many of the items that you may no longer find useful.  Many things are like new and can fulfill a need for someone who may not have the means to buy them.

When my parents passed away (in Florida a little over two years ago)  we went through each cabinet and donated medical supplies to a local hospice thrift shop,  old towels and blankets to a local animal shelter, old clothing and household items to the Salvation Army and canned goods to a local food bank to begin with.  (Full disclaimer,  I also ended up shipping some items that we weren't ready to depart with back to my home up North). 

As cited in my blog on April 25, 2017  Downsizing,  planning ahead while you can is the best way to approach decluttering .  We all mindlessly accumulate much more than we will ever need and purging is critical to keep your living space under control.  I have spent the past year cleaning my primary home and now have many clutter free rooms.  I actually feel much happier when things are more orderly and get stressed when piles begin to re-accumulate.  I will spend time cleaning my kitchen surfaces each night before I can go to sleep.  I still do have a few target zones to tackle in my basement though and will soon try to resume cleaning during the next snowday this week.  If you would like some guidance as you begin to embark on your own döstädning please feel free to reach out to me.  I have some great resources available and would be happy to give some guidance.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning begins at home

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker in Needham, Mass.  She has her SRES and enjoys helping her clients in their search for an ideal home.  She also enjoys helping her more senior clients with the downsizing process while advising them on finding an ideal home for no-longer serviceable belongings.  She can be reached for a free consultation at www.wendybcb.com