How to Best Prepare for End of Life Choices

A few years ago when my Mom passed away the Hesed Committee (a support group within my Synagogue) gave me a book called "Happier Endings" by Erica Brown.   The premise in the book was the various ways individuals and cultures tackle and prepare for the end of life. The author's interest grew from her own experiences with family members who had gone through difficult times including surviving the holocaust and a cousin who took her life unexpectedly.  This author wanted to get an understanding of what drove some people to react how they did as the inevitable approached.

It was mentioned that those with a sudden death are short changed and not given the opportunity to do the things they had hoped for and paradoxically those with long ailments may have the time but not the stamina.  As I read the book I personally explored the experience I had with my parents and another close family member.  While my Dad had longer drawn out health issues he was a trooper with a strong will to live and do what he could up until the last moments.  Likewise my Mom who was stricken with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer was in full control of her ending and settling her personal estate up until her very end.  She wanted to be and was basically in full control of all her decisions up until the last days.

From this experience I have started to think about and build my own framework for these difficult choices with my husband.  It is important to be sure you have a long term health plan in place.  Additionally financial and estate planning are musts.  A living will may be a good tool to start.  If you have a lot of stuff it, I recommend learning how to declutter and donate.  A few good books on this topic include The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson and The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. by Maria Kondo. 

A new book by Katy Butler is coming out on February 19 that addresses how to prepare for a good end of life.  There is an overview of “The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life,” in today's Wall Street Journal.  What I take away from reading this article and the books above are that we all will face difficult decisions down the road.    The best choices are made when there is time for research and evaluating best options.  When decisions must be made because a crisis hits things can be rushed, emotional and often there less good options available.  I always heard that "an informed decision is a good decision".  We want to make our personal journeys  meaningful and the least disruptive to those we love.

As an SRES realtor I am trained and enjoy reading about opportunities to better serve my more senior clients.  As a volunteer producer of theater events we often can rehearse, plan and script a how but a good outcome requires planning and preparation.  I am always available for a quick conversation or the opportunity to work with clients and their families who may be contemplating a transition.  Feel free to check out my website at www.wendybcb.com  or to send me an email or contact preferences.  

döstädning

When one gets married part of the wedding vow includes the words "until death due us part".  As we accumulate much of our possessions throughout adulthood how many items have you saved since this special day:your entire life? Does the thought of downsizing scare you because you have closets filled to the brim?  How much stuff do you have in your home that is never used or just takes up space?  Often when a parent passes away the heirs find things that probably date back to their parents childhood hidden away and unused for decades.  Burdened by their own junk the likelihood of wanting to add more to the mix is low.

In Sweden,  the concept of  döstädning Death Cleaning literally means the process of cleaning out your stuff while you are alive.  Margareta Magnusson explains her approach to cleaning in her new book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning:  How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter.  She writes with simplicity and humor as she walks through the process of sorting things to organize all aspects of one's collective being.   She talks about the physical as well as cyber accumulations we all have.

Magnussan's approach is somewhat familiar if you have read Maria Kondo's book on Tidying Up.  Both suggest separating the things you wish to hold vs the things you no longer need.  I read the Kondo book a few years ago and have followed many of the organization techniques in my current living space.  Magnusson's focus, since she is a bit older, is on downsizing and freeing oneself of possessions no longer used.  She suggests giving things away to loved ones while you can.  She emphasizes that your heirs will not attach the same meaning or share the same taste in your stuff.

Why hold onto things only to burden the next generation? Wouldn't it be much more practical and meaningful to pass items on that your children selectively want and figure out a plan to divest of the rest?  There may be opportunity to transfer all else to a meaningful end user who will really appreciate these items.

In the Boston Sunday Globe yesterday there was a great article about pop-up museums in the local area.  One man has collected telephones and recently opened a Telephone Museum in Waltham, Mass. He is excited to share his love of the telephone and to teach younger children about this passion.  Similarly there are a few other interesting museums that have popped up where collectors are able to share their wares.  Imagine how great it would be if you had a place to divest of your valued collections where others could enjoy and share in your interests.

Not everyone has things worthy of a museum collection but I do believe that "One man's junk is another man's treasure."  There are plenty of ways to repurpose or donate many of the items that you may no longer find useful.  Many things are like new and can fulfill a need for someone who may not have the means to buy them.

When my parents passed away (in Florida a little over two years ago)  we went through each cabinet and donated medical supplies to a local hospice thrift shop,  old towels and blankets to a local animal shelter, old clothing and household items to the Salvation Army and canned goods to a local food bank to begin with.  (Full disclaimer,  I also ended up shipping some items that we weren't ready to depart with back to my home up North). 

As cited in my blog on April 25, 2017  Downsizing,  planning ahead while you can is the best way to approach decluttering .  We all mindlessly accumulate much more than we will ever need and purging is critical to keep your living space under control.  I have spent the past year cleaning my primary home and now have many clutter free rooms.  I actually feel much happier when things are more orderly and get stressed when piles begin to re-accumulate.  I will spend time cleaning my kitchen surfaces each night before I can go to sleep.  I still do have a few target zones to tackle in my basement though and will soon try to resume cleaning during the next snowday this week.  If you would like some guidance as you begin to embark on your own döstädning please feel free to reach out to me.  I have some great resources available and would be happy to give some guidance.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning begins at home

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker in Needham, Mass.  She has her SRES and enjoys helping her clients in their search for an ideal home.  She also enjoys helping her more senior clients with the downsizing process while advising them on finding an ideal home for no-longer serviceable belongings.  She can be reached for a free consultation at www.wendybcb.com

The importance of staging

Who can remember the feeling of love at first sight?  We all want to look our best when meeting someone new to make a good first impression.  Studies have shown that buying a house invokes similiar emotions and it is often said that a buyer will know if interested within the first few minutes of looking at a home.

Staging is the process of dressing your home to make that first important impression.  There are different ways to prepare your home for entry to the marketplace.  Depending on the age and condition of a home,  work may need to be done structurally or cosmetically to spruce it up a bit.  Little things like painting or decluttering can often go a long way to showcase the space and structural integrity of your home.   A study by the NAR shows that a staged home typically sells much quicker than one that isn't.

From my experience the top priority to preparing a home for sale should first be to declutter.   You want to be able to show the structure of your home and make the unique features of the physical property easily visible and accessible.  I recommend going room by room and getting rid of the junk.  Categorize things by if you will continue using them when you move or not.  Get rid of things you don't want and consider putting things that you don't use in a storage pod until you move.  You want to remove as many personal items from your space as possible.

For a more expensive home it may be worthwhile to hire a professional stager or organizer but even if you are on a limited budget there are easy ways to show your place in the best possible way.  Below are a few links to articles on staging I have recently read.

Tips for hiring a stager 
Staging on a limited budget
How to hire a professional stager
Do it yourself Staging tricks
Decluttering tips made elegant
In our technology driven times many millennials want a home that is Smart staged.

Wouldn't you always want to put your best foot forward when you embark on a new project?   Selling a home requires an even higher level of preparedness.  I hope the above tips give you some insight into this process.  As I find more articles related to staging I will add links to this blog post below.

When considering a move it is a good idea to meet with an experienced realtor who can guide you in the preparation process as there are many things to do beforehand to be well positioned.  Remember your property is only a new listing ONCE so you want to get it right the first time to attract the most buyers.  A realtor has insight into how to do this to be competitive in the market place.

Wendy is a realtor in the metro west area of Boston.  She takes a hands on approach with each client and has built a team of professionals to help with each step along the way to make the process as seamless as possible.  As an SRES she is able to help with downsizing and advising her more mature clients on selling "a well lived in" family home.  If you would like a free consultation on how she can help you sell your home please email her at wendy@wendybcb.com.

Decluttering today, less stress tomorrow

Since writing this original blog in November 2017 professional organizer and author Maria Kondo has created a Netflix series "Tidying Up with Maria Kondo".  If you don't have Netflix don't worry, many of the tips can be found in today's Washington Post article reviewing the show or by continuing to read this blog.

Admit it, we are all guilty of becoming packrats.  My husband often says if there is an empty surface I will fill it.  A home full of stuff becomes overcrowded and the process of purging can be daunting.  It takes discipline to keep a home clutter free.  Little inactions and bad habits can lead to a messy cluttered environment.

Studies show that clutter and disorganization decrease productivity and efficiency. To learn more about the health impacts of clutter click here. Another thing my husband always says is that "everything has its place".  He gets upset with me if I take something out and don't return it to the cabinet or drawer.  I know he is correct as I have often misplaced my keys or forgotten where I last left an item.  This seems to happen when I am in a rush or desperately need to get out the door.  Sound familiar?

After going through decluttering and organizing my deceased parent's home last year in Florida,  I came to realize how burdensome the disarray of accumulated papers and things really is.  There were so many things acquired and held on to that were totally useless and unpurposeful.  I came home from an intense period of deep cleaning and made a promise that I would not do the same with my own home.  Over the past several months I have been in a constant tug of war of keeping up with cleaning and avoiding unnecessary new acquisitions that just take up space.  I think to myself "do I really need this now" before making any purchase.

If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you may also share this problem.

*Do you grab your mail from the mailbox, give it a quick skim and set it aside on your kitchen counter?

*Do you have to dig to find your dining room table before hosting a dinner party?  How about your workdesk?

*Do you throw everything in a pile in your garage when you need to make space?

*Do you have all of your kids art projects from their first day of school through college graduation?

*Did you save magazines but never get around to reading them?

Fear not, there is great advise out there on how to declutter.  To start you may want to check out these articles:

Tracy McCubbin, a professional organizer from dClutter has five easy areas to tackle in your house.

Vermont mother and author, Eve Schaub recently published a book called Year of No Declutter for advise on how to keep your children's things organized.

Lastly, Japanese organizer Maria Condo's book shares advice from her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up  on  You Tube.

If you don't have the time or energy to tackle organizing on your own or need a jump start there are professional organizers available to help.  As a realtor, I have a network of great resourceswww.wendybcb.com 

If you can't find my contact info in your cluttered address book you can simply contact me at wendy.bornstein@nemoves.com.

Big house, small house.....My personal baby boomer journey

As part of the baby boomer generation either I or one of my family members has transitioned through all phases of the real estate cycle.  When I was born, my parents first lived-in an apartment and in the late 60s bought a small but affordable ranch house in Oak Hill Park, Newton.    It was on a quarter acre lot with 3 bedrooms and one bath and cost $24K.  At the time Newton was ranked and still is ranked as one of the top public school systems in the state.  Their top priority was for my younger brother and I to be able to attend the Newton public school system.  As a child, I perceived this home to be the tiniest house of all my friends and an embarrassment to bring people over.  Looking back this may have been a predecessor for the Tiny House  movement although my parents did not live a minimalistic lifestyle (this was early days of collecting habits of my dad.)  See my blog decluttering.

As I went through high school, interestingly,  this little house became the destination for many of my friends particularly after a movie or date.  My parents always had an open door policy and welcomed my friends to visit whenever they wanted.    The small cozy space had a welcoming warmth that guests enjoyed the minute they entered the front door.  One time, although a bit late (I think 1:00 am) a friend, Billy rang our door bell and said "he was home from college".  Although we told him it was a bit late for a non-college setting the idea that he would stop by was actually heartwarming and became a long time family joke that "Billy was home from college"(he was studying nearby at Bentley). I learned from my parents how to make a house a home and have since carried this philosophy throughout my adult years.  They were always open to hosting dinner guests or having friends over for fine tea and coffee served in the nicest of bone china.

Once I went away to college and then graduated I moved to my our series of apartments before getting married and buying a starter home.  Right out of school,  I moved outside West Hartford Connecticut for an auditing job with Emhart Corporation.  I had searched through for a roommate through the West Hartford JCC at the time and found a two bedroom to share with someone already there in a very family oriented suburb which was not fun for a single college grad.  After one year of discontent with both my job and my living situation I decided I really wanted to be in a NYC and got a great job at Dunn & Bradstreet Corporate and my own apartment.  I found a small studio in Forest Hills New York with an easy commute to Manhattan where I was working for two years.

Missing my family and close friends as well as starting to date my now husband,  after two years it was time to move back to the Boston area.  I again started a new job in Needham and found an apartment in Chestnut Hill that I lived in for a year prior to getting married and moving to a 2 bedroom apartment in Newtonville.  During this time my husband was finishing a residency program in Boston and I studied for my MBA at BU. At this point an apartment was perfect as we both had full-time jobs and studying to do.

Once my husband finished residency and we were about to start a family we were ready to enter the housing market and started our search for our first home.  At the time we couldn't afford the high property prices in Newton or Needham ( my husbands family lived in Needham Heights) where we both grew up and a work colleague of my husbands encouraged us to look in her neighborhood of Dover, a rural community closeby.  In the mid-80s housing prices were booming and increasing much quicker than inflation and salaries. The starter home of my parents generation was now in the mid to high 200's.  

We ended up buying a raised ranch in Dover and closed one month to the date before our first child was born.    The house was structurally sound with 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths.  It was larger than the typical starter home and to me seemed like a huge home compared to where I grew up.  The lot size was an acre which is standard for Dover.  The area was very residential and only a few miles from the Needham line.   The house itself just needed some cosmetic updates which we would do.  The immediate needs of painting and redoing hardwood floors were tackled before we moved in but updating bathrooms and the kitchen could be done at a later time.  We were of the generation that understood that the first house would not be perfect.  We quickly learned that we had to compromise a bit and would need to put in our own money or sweat equity into tailoring it to our wants.

As part of our due diligence we drove around the area and went to the town hall to learn more about life in the community.  We learned that Dover had one of the top rated public school systems  and the amenities Dover had to offer fit our soon to be family needs.   As we drove around different areas in Dover we set our eyes on a few neighborhoods we admired as well but agreed that the location and size of this home was perfect for our family at the time.  We ended up staying in the house close to 17 years.

A few generations later, the starter home of our time may be a thing of the past. Todays millennials often seek out the maximum house they can buy.  Real estate is one of the largest single investments Americans will make and therefore it is important to buy the property you choose for the right reasons.  For insight into recent buying trends of millenials see a recent new article story on posted by CNBC.

As time progressed our family grew from three to five and in the late 90s we began to think about moving to a larger home.  We looked  off and on over a few years but truly did love our neighborhood.  As our daughters approached middle school though we decided it was time for them to each have their own bedroom.  We were bursting at the walls with clothing and things they needed and all felt we needed to upsize.  We ended up finding our dream home, a colonial, in one of the neighborhoods we aspired to move in when we bought our first home in Dover.  At that time it was just being built and didn't have trees.  Now in full bloom almost 15 years later it was bursting with families our age and we excitingly made the move.  The house was perfect and like my parents small home in Newton quickly became the "go to" place for our kids throughout their high school years.  We had a large basement and TV set up and always welcomed their friends.  Many a party and sleepover as well as a great cul de sac lot made our yard the perfect prom photo-op destination.

As the next decade approached our kids started to go off to college and leave the nest.   During this time we also had to deal with the process of helping our parents downsize and transition to care facilities as health care issues developed.  In addition to accumulating our own things we suddenly inherited our parents collections and items to deal with.  See Blog here Transition.  We now have a large house filled with things but the kids have all moved out of state.  The upkeep of this size house is high and a lot of work for two people.  We have since bought a townhouse on the Cape which is half the size and a the perfect space for our current needs.  Eventually we will decide what to do with our primary house.  

We are now seeing may of our neighbors downsizing from the suburbs towards an urban or resort lifestyle.  Many of my friends and colleagues are asking me, where I plan to retire?.  Although not quite ready ourselves I do have some suggestions for those who may be ready right now.  As we start to age, floor layout and ability to navigate a larger home may start to become difficult. For those who want to stay in their homes,  there are often renovation options to allow you to age in place.  The National Association of Home Builders has out together a checklist (click here)  NAHB.   

Today Baby boomers are changing the trends on the real estate market and will many opt to remain in place many choose to seek alternative living situations.  The options are growing now for our generation.  In California, for example a new law was just passed to expand the concept of Granny houses, small houses that could be adjunct to a property as an in-law or millennial type home for your extended family.  For those who may be aging and not be able to age in place or near family members there are senior housing options also available.  I suspect that as time goes on as the trendsetting generation there will be more innovative ideas coming along and I will share them as I become so informed. 

The other day, coincidentally my parents home in Oak Hill Park, Newton came on the market.  It is now listed at $659K and will probably sell in a bidding war above asking price.  As part of the weekly real estate brokers tour I went to visit the small ranch I grew up in.   The rush of great memories came flooding as I walked over the threshold.  I introduced myself to the listing broker and told her this was my childhood home.   She was actually the buy side broker when my parents sold the house in 2000 and remembered my parents quite well.  She asked if my Dad was the one with the large collection.   She moved to her Oak Hill Park house over 30 years ago  and raised her family there.  She said she went through a phase of thinking about upsizing but loved the area so much instead she chose to stay.  She too is an empty nester and said she is glad she did as this home is the perfect size for she and her husband today.  When I mentioned downsizing she suggested I consider making an offer as this would be the perfect size home for an empty nested baby boomer.  As I thought briefly about this idea I reflected on my own personal journey of living in this area most of my life.  

Wendy recently joined Coldwell Banker Needham.  She has been a realtor for over 8 years and knowing the area quite well can share a hands on local perspective.  She has also recently earned the SRES  designation and looks forward to helping other baby boomers as they approach their next transitions.  Feel free to contact her directly or click here http://www.wendybcb.com if you would like to learn more.  

How to appeal to the buyer when listing your home

Many of today's buyers are first timer buyers and likewise many of today's sellers have gone through the process of being both a buyer and a seller.  It is important to remember that the buyer is your customer and your goal is to sell .  Surprisingly many first time buyers may be the ones who are entering the housing market and may ultimately buy your home, particularly if it falls in the competitive market of my area in the under $1M price range.  For existing homes on the market there is competition and the seller must be positioned to have the best house to offer in the desired price range.  It is a good idea to do an assessment of both visual and structural updates that can make your property appealing to the market.  I always recommend decluttering as much as possible and doing simple upgrades where you can to make the property look fresh and new.    Click here for a great article to get a better understanding of how to prepare your home for this market.  First Time Buyers

I just went through this process myself to sell my parents condo in Florida.  My brother and I inherited our recently deceased parents condo with 80 years worth of life contents.  Finding a home and emptying the contents of the condo to prepare it for the market is worthy of a few other blog entries and you can read much about this in prior posts.  After 18 months of going through this phase we finally had an empty unit on March 1st, 2017 and now wanted to get it on the market.

We met with a local realtor friend of my parents who suggested we could try to sell it "as is" but after careful analysis feared this approach would limit our buyer pool to the lower end of the market.  Although my parents thought the place was immaculate and well kept after completely emptying its contents after an estate sale it became obvious that the place needed serious spiffing up to appeal to someone who would want to move in quickly.   I decided to do a little homework and price out the cost to repaint and recarpet the 1600 sq. ft. condo in the Tampa area.  I found a great painter and he referred me to a few carpet places.  In total, I ended up doing a complete makeover by painting the entire unit ($2200), replacing all the light and outlet covers (total $160) , replacing an outdated bathroom mirror fixture ($60) , replacing a vertical blind for a sliding door at Home Depot ($168) and recarpeting the entire place ($2175) .  I spent close to $6000 and an extra week doing these repairs.

Finally the place was ready to list.  I did a bit of competitive analysis and saw that there were a few condos that were similar to mine and they all sold this past winter.   I learned these had all been on the market for a minimum of 300-450 days.  We wanted to price it to sell quickly and felt that the realtor we were working with perhaps wasn't the right fit.

Thus, I met with a different broker from my company and learned her strategy was similar to my own.   We listed the condo with her and one week later held an open house and got a cash offer within one hour.  The offer was accepted that night.  The feedback we got confirmed that it showed really well.  Although not totally updated with new appliances and cabinets it appeared very well maintained  The money we put in upfront made the sale a quick success and we quadrupled that amount in our selling price.   The buyer was excited to see a place that was in move in condition where everything looked fresh.  The best part is that we got a cash offer with a two week close.  We close now on March 31.

Wendy recently joined Coldwell Banker Needham.  She has been a realtor for over 8 years and knowing the area quite well can share a hands on local perspective.  She has also recently earned the SRES  designation and looks forward to helping other baby boomers as they approach their next transitions.  Feel free to contact her directly or click here http://www.wendybcb.com if you would like to learn more.