'Tis the Season...To Be Stressed Out? (Some easy tips and recommended reading)

What causes holiday stress? This should be the happiest time of year right?  We have friends and family coming to call, lots of parties,  the exchanging of thanks through gifts and just general jocularity? Maybe though these are the very things that cause stress, says Sandy Bailey, family and human development specialist at Montana State University Extension Service.

"The hustle and bustle of getting ready for family and friends can cause us to feel rushed and overwhelmed," she says. Unrealistic expectations, extra chores, money woes and changes in schedules can create holiday anxiety.

Bailey defines stress as “the pressure from the outside that makes us tense on the inside. It is the response to real or perceived demands placed on us, even in so-called positive situations like the holidays.” 

I take this to mean that to reduce stress I need to feel like I am in control of the stimuli around me.  This enables me to better focus on the things I need to do. I would like to share a few tips I follow when I need to get my mind back in the right place.  

1-take a breather whether it be a coffee break ( I often enjoy a grande darkroast coffee at Starbucks for a quick get away where I can sit back and regroup)

2-keep up your exercise routine.  Even if it is a quick run or yoga/breathing exercise I block this time on my calendar.

3-think about a favorite food you like, then find the recipe and plan a meal around it.

4-while you are shopping for others take care of yourself too.  If I see something I really like (if on sale)  I will always take advantage when I can.  

  

5- go to a movie, this is a cheap way to take a little staycation and transport your mind for a few hours of freedom.  Yesterday I saw Mary Poppins Returns and it brought me back to my happy childhood memories. 

If none of these help, I also recommend two great books I just finished.  First The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson gave me insight into not worrying about how everyone perceives me.   Whatever you say or think is important and you deserve to have the respect of anyone who would challenge and make you uncomfortable.  Second is Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny.  This book taught me that most areas of stress are caused by fear of the unknown reaction.  If you can understand the fears in both you and your guests, you may better approach the start of conversations that otherwise may cause confrontation.  I found both of these books have given me new tools to deal with my outside fear triggers.  

Be sure to get plenty of rest and eat well. Too much junk food causes sugar highs and can cause an imbalance.  Keep your plans flexible.  Remember real life is constantly moving and nothing has to be set in concrete.    

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham. She enjoys thinking outside the box and the ability to incorporate each of the above suggestions in to her daily life. She hopes you will find them useful as tools as you move towards 2019.  

A QuickGuide to a Healthy Happy and Fit New You in 2019

Are you constantly being bombarded with tempting foods and drinks this holiday season?  Are you too busy to keep up your exercise routine.  How about planning ahead by buying a few healthy tools you can incorporate into a healthy you after the first of the year.   I just got a Fitbit and an Instant pot and am excited to use both as I kick off 2019.  These are great gift ideas if you want to give a year of health to your loved ones.  For other suggestions check out NY Times writer Melissa Clark's many favorite tools including the Instant Pot.  In the interim though here are some tips to manage through this holiday season.

How about making a New Year’s resolution before the New Year?   How can you maintain your weight if constantly surrounded by your favorite high-calorie goodies and holiday drinks? Of note, the average American gains five to ten pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.  Read on for some tips on how not to become a statistic.

Dieting is near impossible this time of year, thus your goal should be to maintain not reduce your current weight.  Plan and assemble several quick, healthy meals that can be readily available for reheating to avoid relying on high-fat fast food when your days become chaotic.

Avoid attending a holiday party on an empty stomach. If you plan to drink cocktails be sure to have some food first as the side effects of alcohol are felt much more quickly and can lead to overeating and over-drinking. If you do drink alcohol, it is recommended to drink one glass of water before each glass of an alcoholic beverage.

If attending a party,  offer to bring a favorite healthy treat to be assured there will be at least one "safe" item available to snack on. Stand far away from buffets so you're not tempted to nibble constantly.  When selecting hors d'oeuvres choose the ones that contain whole grains and/or legumes while staying away from the high fat, high sugar options. Instead of totally cutting out high-calorie favorite holiday dishes, take a small portion of each and load up on healthier options like vegetables, fruits and breads.
  
Remember to continue your regular exercise program through the holidays as best as possible.  Even if this means extra long walks with your dog or doing a 15 minute yoga routine this is the key to maintaining good health and alleviating holiday stress.

Lastly be sure to get enough sleep and be mindful of spreading germs. Wash your hands frequently and be avoid sharing drinking glasses or utensils amongst friends.  

As the year wraps up I hope you will make the most of these tips to enjoy a happy, healthy season and launch a newer version of this self as you approach the new year.  

Wendy is a Realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.  She enjoys blogging about things near and dear to her lifestyle.  You can check out her Pinterest page to learn more about recipes she is trying with her new instant pot.  

Here's to a little gratitude!!

Sometime last November I read an article in the Huffington Post about the importance of teaching gratitude to children.  I often think about this concept and wish to share a few thoughts as the Thanksgiving Holiday approaches. 

The article referenced above teaches us that those who are able to express gratitude for what they have, seem to possess a much more positive outlook on life.   In a recent article in Prevention Magazine author Jennifer King Lindley connects the positive affects of gratitude with the benefits of long term health.  She terms it Vitamin G.  This mindset can then be carried into one's daily life to think and work better.  

According to a study at Berkeley University  in November 2010 

Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present. It magnifies positive emotions. Research on emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. ... We spend so much time watching things—movies, computer screens, sports—but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.

I read Eckart Tolle's book, The Power of Now about 15 years ago and it had a huge impact on me.  Back then, the concept of mindfulness training was relatively new.  At the time I was pretty wound up and definitely high strung.   As I read, I began incorporating concepts of the book into dealing with a difficult family situation.   I found this helped ease much of my stress and as a result I learned how to shift my attitude to become better focused in the present. 

For those who embrace yoga, often, part of the routine includes taking a moment to give thanks for the opportunity to practice.  At the conclusion of class, my instructor always suggests "taking this wonderful yoga feeling into the rest of the day."  The feeling of gratitude is incorporated into this practice.  It allows me a time to cleanse my thoughts and kick start a positive framework to begin each new day.  Even if you don't do yoga, little things like taking a walk or meditating for a few minutes allow positive thoughts of gratitude to flow through your head to create a much better mindset.   For some it is a great idea to keep a journal of things you around you that create positivity.  This creates a framework for expressing gratitude.  

Yesterday I was hit with this theme again when I saw this months cover on The Oprah Magazine titled "How Gratitude Shifts Your Attitude".    I believe that we would be much happier as a country if we all looked for the positive in our lives.  Those who dwell in the past often hold anger and need to let it go.  This negativity can be damaging and inhibit one's ability to focus on what is important today.  It's the little things that bring brightness to ourselves that deserve gratitude.   We all face life's challenges but if we are able to appreciate the good it is easier to work through the bad stuff.  

As we approach the holiday this week,  think about the things you are thankful for and how to better shape your attitude by embracing a bit more gratitude.   

Wishing you and your family's a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.  She  is thankful for the opportunity to help others through work and as a volunteer in her community.  

Tips to make your home welcoming for holiday guests ( and safe for your pet)

The holidays are approaching and you may soon open your house to welcome guests.  I love entertaining and find this time of year especially fun. My goal is to always have my home be a warm and welcoming environment with the hope that guests will enjoy their time and want to return for future visits.  To accomplish,  however I have learned that the secret to successfully entertaining requires planning and preparation ahead of arrival time.  

Generally in anticipation I clean and stock my house.  I like to have areas that are clutter free and welcoming.  If visitors are staying overnight prepare the guest rooms: ie:  beds made and arrange places to put personal belongings.  In addition, stock the bathrooms with toiletries and clean towels.  If my kids are coming home,  I have my washer and dryer ready to throw in their suitcase filled laundry loads.  

Its always good to have plenty of the basics on hand in the kitchen.  My list includes fruit,  cheese, eggs, English muffins, always ice cream and other easy snack foods.   For fluids I stock bottled water, coffee and wine.  There is always something everyone will like.  

When hosting there may be parts of your house that are open for guests as well as areas to keep off limits.  Don't be afraid to set boundaries but clearly mark off the areas you consider private.  I suggest giving guests a tour if its their first visit and showing them the areas that they are welcomed to be.  If necessary, guide them where to best park their car.  

If your home has any dietary restrictions please tell your guests in advance.  For example,  we keep Kosher so I always remind visitors that we do not allow non-kosher foods in our home.  Likewise if a visitor is on a special diet, as a hostess I want to be informed ahead of time to be sure I have food they can eat.  

Pet owners should always inform visitors ahead of time.  Let them know of acceptable behaviors and treats that are permitable for your pet.  Warn them of dangers such as chocolate and not being let outside.  One of my neighbors had let their dog out off leash during a holiday dinner a few years ago, only to be attacked by a coyote.  A guest of ours last year gave my dog, chocolate and we had to call pet control to induce vomiting.  There are not things you want to deal with.  In today's NYT is an article that outlines pet safety  recommendation during the holidays.  

The holidays are a time to have fun and enjoy family and friends.  Keep in mind that conversations should be inclusive and welcoming.  This is an opportunity to share stories and traditions with those you love and don't see often enough.  Under the current political climate it is important to be aware of your guest list.   If you are hosting anyone with extreme political or social views that may make others feel awkward you may want to set conversation parameters.  Real Simple Magazine put together a suggested list of conversation starters to keep everyone on track.   

Hosting is an honor and privilege.  I am always thankful when people want to come to our home and always do my best to make them feel welcomed. I hope my suggestions will make your holiday time special and your guests feel like there is no place like your home.  Happy Holidays!!


Note: For additional suggestions on  How To Be a Perfect House Guest see an earlier blog.

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.   If you are are thinking about a move or know anyone who is she would love to help.  

Ode to our Troops, Thank you to Our Vets and Theater for All Ages

Before I begin this post,  I want to say thank you to our Veteran's.  This coming Monday we will be celebrating Veteran's Day across the country.  Last night I had the great privilege of attending the Heatherwood Follies which was produced to coincide with this celebration, as a musical revue performed by members of the an independent senior living residence on Cape Cod.  Invited by a cousin who was making her theatrical debut at around age 70,  it was an invitation I found hard to refuse.  I fortunately arrived early as there was not an empty seat in the house.  

Although I did not know what to expect,  I found this to be quite an enjoyable event.  The musical revue was put together by fellow resident Dorothy Strauss, who began her career as a dancer at age 5 and performed professionally throughout her life.  She ran the Cape Cod Conservatory Dance Program from 1994-retirement in 2009. She has put together a "follies' show for this community for the past 4 years and had a wide range of participants ranging from singers, dancers, musicians and even a bit of stand-up comedy in a program piece called "Laughter is the Best Medicine.".  (See video below for the laughter part)

Dorothy spent many years performing for the USO Troops and tied this into the closing number of the show when she had the ensemble sing songs from each branch of the armed services including the Air Force, Army, Marine Corp, and Navy.  She invited members of each group in the audience to stand up and be recognized.  All audience members were gleefully singing and shared a sense of pride and Patriotism in a very positive light.  

The show was quite impressive.  As someone who has been involved with community theater much of my adult life it was such a heartwarming opportunity to experience the level of comrade that was built by this production.  It was great to give each stage member a moment to shine in front of an audience.  This age group often has a lot to say but aren't always recognized.  They proudly shared their talents and had a unique opportunity to be a part of a venue amongst peers.   A few, in particular had great voices and sang well known Broadway show tunes from South Pacific and The Music Man.  One gentlemen sang an old tune from the days of Al Jolson.   

Perhaps the biggest thing I got out of the show was the importance of community theater for all age groups.   The show was close to two hours long but moved constantly.  My cousin had been rehearsing since August.  I spoke to a few other participants after the show and they all said this was one of the best things they had done since moving to this residence.   They looked forward with pride to their weekly rehearsals and were so excited to be a part of the "Follies".  My cousin had a huge grin throughout the show and it made my drive down to see it SO worthwhile.  

Please listen to the video below and remember to thank those who served before us to bring us the freedoms we cherish today. Happy Veteran's Day.  

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham and also works on the lower Cape.  She has her SRES and enjoys working with this age group to help them with downsizing and finding property for the next phase of their search.  For more info click here. 

How to find your "hygge" space

Let's face it, we all need a place where we can chill out.  Do you have a space where you can where your pj's or old sweatpants to be comfortable and not care how you look?   It is recommended to have a separate area outside of your sleeping space, where you can relax, read and just get peace after a busy day.  The loft area in my home is my favorite room.  Just located outside my bedroom there is a comfortable sofa and soft lighting.  I often spend my wake time reading there before I retire to sleep.   There is no tv or social media and I can get away from all the hype for a wind down.

Spaces like this are becoming a popular trend for today's homeowners.  A recent article in Realtor Magazine cites the benefits of this feature.  It is a good idea to have a space where you can be cozy and comfortable with your family members or closest friends and not have to worry about entertaining outside guests.  In Danish terms this concept can be defined as hygge which may explain why Danes are considered the happiest people in the world.

To create your own "hygge" space Spruce gives readers some decorating ideas for your existing home.  If you need further suggestions on how to stage a space or are considering a new place to call home,  please check out my website.

Wendy is a Realtor based in Needham and she also works on the Lower Cape Cod.  If you would like more information on Cape properties click here.

There's no day but today for the ACA

As I walk my dog and reflect on life's issues I think of songs and lyrics that I can tie to my blog post.  Today is the first day of enrollment for 2019 for those needing to enroll or reenroll in the ACA.  The enrollment period is November 1 - December 15, 2018.  Click here for more information or to enroll. This is for health insurance for those who otherwise would be unable to afford health care.  Since the implementation of the ACA in 2010, the Federal government has imposed a tax penalty if one did not enroll in health care.  This mandate has been eliminated by the current administration and this will be the first year that it is not mandatory to enroll in a health plan.   This administration is against the ACA mandate and does not support guaranteed health care as a right to all citizens.  As of today, I have not seen any government sponsored advertisements encouraging open enrollment.  The current administration speculates enrollment will fade away but if demand remains this can't happen.

Thus it is now optional to enroll in a healthcare plan.  Short term it may seem like a benefit to young millennial's who do not want to be burdened by the expense of medical insurance.  If however one does need insurance down the road it will be more difficult and expensive to enroll if a pre-existing condition develops.  According to Cigna  if you are currently enrolled in health insurance (effective since 2010) you cannot be denied coverage when applying for new or changed healthcare benefits.  Under newer plans for new enrollees, since the mandate was eliminated this may no longer be true.  

The song that came to my mind during my walk today is "There's No Day But Today" from the Broadway musical Rent.  In the musical as the character Mimi was inflicted with illness there was no day like this to live life to its fullest. If you are young and healthy there is no day like today to enroll and continue your health care benefits.  I encourage all readers to do their homework and enroll in a plan that will give you adequate coverage for now and into the future. There is no tomorrow without good health.  


Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.  She works with buyers, sellers and some renters.  She enjoys blogging about things near and dear to her such as health and happiness.  Some of her favorite pastimes include walking her dog and attending Broadway musicals.  

Lyrics:

There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is your's to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

There's only us, only tonight
We must let go to know what's right
No other road, No other way
No day but today

I can't control my destiny
I trust my soul, my only goal
Is just to be

There's only now, there's only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, No other way
No day but today

There's only us, There's only this
Forget regret, or life is your's to miss
No other road, no other way 
No day but today
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today

Songwriters: Jonathan D. Larson

No Day But Today lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Time to Speak Up-This is no longer Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

I began this post last week and have updated it several times. I guess I have been reluctant to post it after watching the events against more liberal voices unfold over the past few weeks . Although I haven't been a victim directly we are all victims of hate. If we are afraid to speak up though we are in effect being complicit to that which we are afraid to speak out against.

I am scared to live in this country right now and it is not because of foreign terrorists or caravans of immigrants crossing our borders, it is because the president said he was a "Nationalist" at a recent campaign rally.  It is due to the rise of racism, hate and anti-semitism in the past few years. As a new update I am adding an article in today's NYT (Sat 11/3 about the rise of the white nationalist movement.

By Merriam Webster's definition a nationalist historically was someone who defended the national interest of one's country and wanted to maintain its independence, However since WWI and WWII it has taken on new meaning for dangerous ideologies. A "Nationalist" today is someone who supports the behavior of the far right extremists who are violent to anyone who they are xenophobic about.  

The president raises this fear every time he speaks or tweets. His base is reflected by the above image on the left that riled up the vitriolic hate in Charlottesville last year. The image on the right symbolizes freedom. I choose the right torch.


My fear elevated last week when Cesar Say, an avid Trump supporter, the pipe bomber  terrorized 14 more outspoken liberals, who have, in free speech disagreed with the views of this president by mailing each a package that fortunately never exploded. It reached an all time high when the Jewish community experienced the worst assault in US history as Robert Bowers elevated whistleblowing of antisemitism when he shot and killed eleven innocent people at at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh.  The shooter chose this target as he blamed HIAS for bringing in immigrants to "kill his people".


We are living in dangerous times. The threats that seem to be causing the most damage are not global terrorism or those entering our country legally or illegally from other countries. Our biggest threat is divisiveness and in-grown hate caused by leadership who enjoy capitalizing on promoting xenophobia.  The people I am most afraid of look just like me. They can be my neighbors, co-workers or anyone sitting next to me on a bus. I wouldn't know by physical inspection.  I now live in constant unidentifiable fear.

In a prior blog, I wrote about the positive culture promoted by Fred Rogers and encourage you to read it. Ironically, the recent shooting incident took place in his neighborhood of Squirrel Hill. He was a conservative forward thinker who encouraged positive collaboration. If we can not work together we cannot survive as a country.

The election next Tuesday is extremely important. Without flipping the house there will be no system of checks and balances. There is no conversation period. The vitriolic and far right xenophobic policies of this president are able to spread and further divide us. Now is the time to speak up. I want to live in a place where I feel safe to write a blog and be able to pray at Shabbat services at my synagogue. I do not want to walk down my street in fear of being a victim to a neighbor who has a different perspective from me. Don't we all want the same? If you really do care about your country say and do something about it. Please make your voice heard and demand change. The election in November 6.

Wendy is a realtor in the Metrowest Boston area. The above post reflects her personal viewpoints only. If you would like to learn more about Wendy as a realtor please check out her website www.wendybcb.com.

A tribute to my parents, voting and a hope for the future

  

Last week I went to visit my parents grave and thought about how they would both roll over if they were witness to our country today.  Although Carol King wrote the song "I Feel The Earth Move" to reconcile her failing marriage,  the song came to mind during this time.  It seems that much of the societal norms we grew up with are crumbling around us.   Since our Dad passed 5 years ago this week and Mom a little over three years ago, my brother and I have been trying to reconcile their legacies.   

As my brother shared in his recent blog, our Dad built a museum quality collection to preserve ancient and more recent US history.  His mo was to visually share the threads of history and educate the next generations on the values of a Judeo-Christian culture and its foundation for a democratic society.  Metaphorically this can be represented by another well known Carol King song, Tapestry.  

I recently saw the movie "Life Itself" and am an avid fan of "This Is Us" both created by Dan Fogelman.   Each show features multigenerational family stories that go back and forth to allow watchers an understanding of what lies beneath the main characters.    As implied by these productions,  we all have certain milestones and events that help formulate our belief systems.  These are the building blocks that lay the foundations of who we are.  

As I come to terms with the passing of my parents, it has become increasingly important for me to reflect on life's little lessons instilled in my upbringing.  Pillars to these lessons were respect, honesty and the equal rights of free speech and voting.  I continue to admire the values embedded in me and will do all I can to to keep their beliefs alive.  Perhaps as I see the world crumbling under my feet,  I am optimistic that if enough of us vote and become more engaged with our communities we can begin to weave new tapestries.  

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.  She works with buyers and sellers on the lower Cape as well.  For more information please visit her website at www.wendybcb.com.  

May You Be Inscribed In "The Book of Life"

This is a blessing one gives to their family, friends and community members during the Jewish High Holiday period for 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and the Day of Atonement, better known as Yom Kippur.  As a child, I used to imagine a "higher being" with a very large book who would literally scribe each righteous human's name on the "keep alive list".  

During YK those of Jewish faith have a day to reflect on past behaviors and on ways to do better.  The belief is that the righteous will be rewarded with another year of a good life.  As part of the observation it is traditional to fast and cleanse soul and mind.  Tied into this ideology it is suggested to turn inward and focus on one's self in relationship to the world.  This a great time to reflect and reset your agenda.  If inscribed you will be granted a new year of opportunity.  

Even if you are a different faith in these troubling times it is important to take a break from the world around us.  Ask yourself what role you can play to make the world a better place?  Maybe you need to redefine your life priorities or improve your family time.  Maybe you need to advocate for change to things you don't like around you or volunteer to help in areas of need.  Whatever your thoughts,  I hope you are able to find your inner voice and feel inspired to push a reset button for the new year 5779.   May you be inscribed in the Book of Life.  

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham.  She enjoys helping people and aspires to a better life for all around her.  If you would like to learn more visit her website at www.wendybcb.com.