What to expect when you are not expecting- along the life cycle

When I was pregnant with my first child,  a friend gave me the book What to Expect When You're Expecting  by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel (revised May 31, 2016).  This was a detailed guide on how to prepare for all aspects of pregnancy through childbirth.  The book was filled with practical  advise and was a great way to launch parenthood.  I read this close to thirty years ago and since its update they actually have added a website as well.  click here.  

After the new baby is brought home, the  family begins a journey over the next several years and the process of acquiring things needed a long the way.  Things will be acquired out of "need" and then "want".  Sometimes these may be used short term but will be stored away incase needed for future use.  Some will be held onto for nostalgia.  Moving from a small apartment to a larger home along the way may occur to house these things and the growing family.  It is suggested to look at the long term costs and risks prior to jumping into a larger home as big may not be always be better though.  click here.  This may go on until the children grow up and move out often creating an empty nest.  


While planning for a newborn is very exciting most people do not plan for the other end of the life cycle.   It is much less exciting to think about planning for old age.  Declining health and death are scarey to talk about often causing delay of conversation until it is may be too late.   However, as I have learned an unexpected illness can create havic and upend the best of plans.  Unfortunately we never know when misfortune may come upon us.  

An article in last weeks New York Times, click here ,discusses the fact that most of us do not adequately plan for these events.  This article provides useful tools to plan for long term care and an end of life plan.  It is important to have a long term plan in place in case of a sudden death or disability.   If you don't already have long term care insurance or an estate plan this should be on your to do list.

Likewise it is a good idea for all of us to outline our personal end of life wishes while able to think cognitively.  In the book,  Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End
by Atul Gawande, the author provides an overview of the long term care options that have evolved in the United States and shares ideas on how to plan for the end of life pointing out that this is the one destination we all have in common.  Ultimately we all aspire to have a dignified end of life .  

The sun rises each morning and sets at days end.  Likewise we rise at birth and our lives are set at the end.   Although we may collect things along the way we don't take any of these with us in burial.   In Jewish tradition we are buried in a simple Pine Box.  According to Jewish law, the deceased must return to the earth that gave her life. A pine box decomposes in the ground, and is therefore the traditional Jewish casket.  For more understanding of baseline tradition click here.  

Although I can't speak for burial practices amongst other faiths, I do know that the process of distributing one's final estate to beneficiaries is typical.  Often a large financial estate will go through probate or a different legal process.  In the eyes of the person passing on the estate this may be seen as a great gift.  However often an inheritance may become a burden to the beneficiary.    

A new book being released January 2, 2018 called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson  addresses how to get rid of the material things in our life ideally before passing on.  The theory is that most likely your collections and cherished things may not be of value to the next generation.  Instead of burdening them with having to clean and dispose of these items it is helpful for the original owner to do this while alive.  

The conversations and strategy to plan for the end of life an disposition of one's assets can be meaningful if properly planned.  It is good to understand the owners intent and where possible put the assets in a place where they will be most valued.   To help with these difficult conversations and decisions it is recommended to work with professionals who can guide you through the process.  These individuals are able to be more objective since they will not have the emotion ties confronting the situation.  An elder care attorney for example will understand the best options to position one's assets and determine appropriate health care proxies.  An estate sale or organizational specialist may be able to help organize and create balance.  An SRES may be able to help with finding a home or recommend ways to prepare a current home to meet the physical needs of the occupant if modifications are needed.  The common goal for all involved should be to help a loved one plan for an end of life that is fulfilled with accomplishment, pride and dignity.  

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker in Needham, Mass.  As an SRES she enjoy helping others plan for the various phases of life cycle and works with a team of professionals to compliment her services and help make each transition as seamless as possible.  

Keeping Local While Aging in Place

A great book I recently finished reading was "Being Mortal" by Dr. Atul Gawande.  In his book, he looks at American society and how we deal with end of life issues.  His focus in not just on the finality of life but on how our society helps or should help all families prepare for this chapter of each individuals journey.

One aspect discussed in depth is where our elders live towards their end of lives. While many American's age in place, many do not have family or a support system nearby and need to depend on a residential community.   This is a sharp contrast to his native homeland (I believe in India) where families are tied to their communities and elders are highly honored as a part of the community through their last days of mortality.  He discusses the contrast of keeping an elder at home and compares alternative options that have evolved in the latter part of the last century through today with first nursing homes, then the development of assisted living facilities to memory care.  Many of these venues allow for professional care of our elders as facilitated by a residential communities.  If possible it is great to find a facility in the same local community where the senior has lived but often he or she is moved to be close to family members.

A growing trend now is the development of local villages. Villages are communities organized geographically to provide services that would allow seniors to continue to age in place in their local communities with the support of an organized administrative staff and volunteers.  Often a per person fee is paid to support needed programs.  This is ideal as it allows the person to continue to live a familiar environment and remain as part of their "community".

I have recently gone through the end of life phase with both of my parents and was fortunate to be able to help them as needed. It was extremely important for both of them to age in place and stay at home until absolutely impossible due to failed health.  Home was their comfort zone and having their personal surrounding was of utmost importance.   I am a strong advocate of aging in place if it is a viable option.

In today's Boston Globe there was an informative article discussing aging in place in Massachusetts communities and there is a list of Massachusetts Villages with their emails and contact information. I was pleased to learn there are several local villages nearby and other parts of the state.  This allows seniors to remain as locals in their neighborhoods.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/real-estate/2017/02/10/neighbor-helping-neighbor-community-programs-help-people-age-place/PUXOAmGQ9phwbs5q3Hu0hO/story.html


The area of senior aging is near and dear to me.  As mentioned previously both of my parents faced end of life issues before passing and I had to deal with both the personal side of things as well as the business end of settling their estates.  In addition, during this same time period I helped my in-laws downsize and move first to an assisted living and then memory care facility in the Needham area.  My in-laws moved less than a mile from the local neighborhood where they raised their family.  Being local was extremely important to their decision to move where they chose.


 I wanted to be able to put this experience to positive use to help others going through this process and it was suggested for me to get my SRES (Senior Real Estate Specialist) designation.  In December I took a 2 day class to learn more about the services available to help seniors and their families with the  transition of moving from a private residential home to the next stage of care.  After passing an exam I earned my SRES designation and am a realtor at Coldwell Banker Needham. I am constantly networking and inquiring about the many services available to my clients and welcome the opportunity to help anyone who may have a family member who is approaching this stage.

Wendy recently joined Coldwell Banker Needham.  She has been a realtor for over 8 years and knowing the area quite well can share a hands on local perspective.  She has also recently earned the SRES  designation and looks forward to helping other baby boomers as they approach their next transitions.  Feel free to contact her directly or click here http://www.wendybcb.com if you would like to learn more.  

Footnote: click here for some  Tips for aging in place