What to expect when you are not expecting- along the life cycle

When I was pregnant with my first child,  a friend gave me the book What to Expect When You're Expecting  by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel (revised May 31, 2016).  This was a detailed guide on how to prepare for all aspects of pregnancy through childbirth.  The book was filled with practical  advise and was a great way to launch parenthood.  I read this close to thirty years ago and since its update they actually have added a website as well.  click here.  

After the new baby is brought home, the  family begins a journey over the next several years and the process of acquiring things needed a long the way.  Things will be acquired out of "need" and then "want".  Sometimes these may be used short term but will be stored away incase needed for future use.  Some will be held onto for nostalgia.  Moving from a small apartment to a larger home along the way may occur to house these things and the growing family.  It is suggested to look at the long term costs and risks prior to jumping into a larger home as big may not be always be better though.  click here.  This may go on until the children grow up and move out often creating an empty nest.  


While planning for a newborn is very exciting most people do not plan for the other end of the life cycle.   It is much less exciting to think about planning for old age.  Declining health and death are scarey to talk about often causing delay of conversation until it is may be too late.   However, as I have learned an unexpected illness can create havic and upend the best of plans.  Unfortunately we never know when misfortune may come upon us.  

An article in last weeks New York Times, click here ,discusses the fact that most of us do not adequately plan for these events.  This article provides useful tools to plan for long term care and an end of life plan.  It is important to have a long term plan in place in case of a sudden death or disability.   If you don't already have long term care insurance or an estate plan this should be on your to do list.

Likewise it is a good idea for all of us to outline our personal end of life wishes while able to think cognitively.  In the book,  Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End
by Atul Gawande, the author provides an overview of the long term care options that have evolved in the United States and shares ideas on how to plan for the end of life pointing out that this is the one destination we all have in common.  Ultimately we all aspire to have a dignified end of life .  

The sun rises each morning and sets at days end.  Likewise we rise at birth and our lives are set at the end.   Although we may collect things along the way we don't take any of these with us in burial.   In Jewish tradition we are buried in a simple Pine Box.  According to Jewish law, the deceased must return to the earth that gave her life. A pine box decomposes in the ground, and is therefore the traditional Jewish casket.  For more understanding of baseline tradition click here.  

Although I can't speak for burial practices amongst other faiths, I do know that the process of distributing one's final estate to beneficiaries is typical.  Often a large financial estate will go through probate or a different legal process.  In the eyes of the person passing on the estate this may be seen as a great gift.  However often an inheritance may become a burden to the beneficiary.    

A new book being released January 2, 2018 called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson  addresses how to get rid of the material things in our life ideally before passing on.  The theory is that most likely your collections and cherished things may not be of value to the next generation.  Instead of burdening them with having to clean and dispose of these items it is helpful for the original owner to do this while alive.  

The conversations and strategy to plan for the end of life an disposition of one's assets can be meaningful if properly planned.  It is good to understand the owners intent and where possible put the assets in a place where they will be most valued.   To help with these difficult conversations and decisions it is recommended to work with professionals who can guide you through the process.  These individuals are able to be more objective since they will not have the emotion ties confronting the situation.  An elder care attorney for example will understand the best options to position one's assets and determine appropriate health care proxies.  An estate sale or organizational specialist may be able to help organize and create balance.  An SRES may be able to help with finding a home or recommend ways to prepare a current home to meet the physical needs of the occupant if modifications are needed.  The common goal for all involved should be to help a loved one plan for an end of life that is fulfilled with accomplishment, pride and dignity.  

Wendy is a realtor with Coldwell Banker in Needham, Mass.  As an SRES she enjoy helping others plan for the various phases of life cycle and works with a team of professionals to compliment her services and help make each transition as seamless as possible.