Just last week I went on an amazing mother daughter trip to Hawaii with my two grown daughters. It was one of the most wonderful times I have ever had and I am forever thankful to my youngest daughter who invited me to join her with my other daughter in celebration of an award she earned from her job.
As I reflect on the week I think one of the most special things was the opportunity to share uninterrupted quality time with my daughters. We live in different states and it is a rare treat for the three of us to be together. We are fortunate to have many of the same interests and vacation expectations. Ahead of time, we planned an itinerary of things we wanted to do. We all had similar food tastes which was also a big factor in our plans as we literally ate our way through Hawaii between the beach, shopping and exercising. Full disclosure however, I was a bit less daring than they were when bike riding down Mt. Halekalia ( full disclosure I rode the brakes most of the way down) or snorkeling at Molakino.
On the front page of today's Boston Globe was an article about the drama and challenges confronting the typical large Family Vacation. I have seen many examples of the behavior mentioned through the years both during large group trips to a destiny or when vacationers have visited my beach house. See my blog from last summer on how to host a perfect vacation visit. I have learned to plan ahead for the most diverse personalities and to best minimize many of the challenges in this article. Once an occasion stress I have learned to mediate this through yoga, meditation, walking my dog and alone time. Equally important is to give each person with me during travels some quiet time.
Well intentioned we all have goals and expectations of how to spend and share our free time. Free time is at a premium these days and different priorities can be understandable to each party involved. I think the key is to recognize each person's personality traits and expectations ahead of the trip. Perhaps the first time a group travels together it is the most challenging as no one knows each others quirks but after this it is definitely in everyones best interest to discuss and outline things ahead of the next trip.
Here are my top suggestions for a successful venture:
1) Identify to expectations and special needs of each party traveling before departure.
2) Have each party member list places/thing they want to see and do and work out a mutually agreeable schedule for things that require planning ahead/reservations. Make a schedule around this for everyone interested with exact times/transportation etc. If the group is large be sure to make dinner reservations in advance. Cross check Open Table and Yelp for recommendations on restaurants. Yelp and Trip Advisor are also great for itinerary planning. In addition you can research ahead of time to plan your itinerary and download City specific guides in areas where you may not have wifi. Use Waze to get around if renting a car.. This a great GPS app.
3) Agree that those who want to be included have to be up and ready to go when needed or can agree to meet up later/make their own plans. Remember not everyone has to do the same things all the time and sometimes it is good to break off for a few hours.
4) Figure out a ways to share common situations.
-Set up a group form of communication, group iPhone chat, whatsapp, fb messenger or whatever works best to be able to reach each other when split off.
-Pool/share/divide expenses at the end of the trip so money doesn't become the focus at each itinerary stop. There is a great app called Splitwise that does the work for you.
-Set up a shared photo album on your phones as surely you will take lots of photos.
5) be willing to compromise occasionally as the purpose of the trip is to bond and have fun.
Smile and enjoy your time together. Quality time is precious and free time is earned.
Wendy is a Realtor with Coldwell Banker Needham. In her free time she loves to travel, walk her dog, blog, exercise and spend time with family.
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