At What Price Is Integrity?

I was taught at an early age that one's words and actions matter.  My Dad would say that your reputation has to be earned and it can take only a minute to lose it.  My Mother would say that you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror every morning.  One small act of dishonesty can lead you down a dangerous downward spiral.

I learned this at five years old the hard way.  My mother sent me down the street with $.50 to buy a quart of milk, which at the time cost $.35 at the local A&P. I returned home with the milk and a dime.  I used a nickel of my change to buy a gumball in the candy machine.  When my parents asked where their change was I told them that the cashier had only given me back a dime.  They were extremely upset and marched me back to the A&P to talk to the manager.  Before the cashier was questioned, I admitted that I had spent my change on candy.  At this point, my parents told me the cashier could have lost his job due to my behavior if I had not told the truth. I was appropriately punished and to this day have a hard time telling even a “white lie”.

When I reached fifth grade, I wanted to get my ears pierced like all my friends. My Dad was adamantly against this and didn’t want me to “mutilate” my ears.  He said I should not be a follower and do something just because everyone else does. I would complain to all my friends that he was too strict.  

As I approached middle and high school I was not allowed to attend unchaperoned "boy-girl" parties that my parents deemed inappropriate for my age.    Upon complaining my parents would say that I was not to be a follower and wanted to shield me from any potential risk.  They instead instituted an open door policy at our house and although small welcomed my friends at anytime.  

Dad made me watch the 1974 movie "Walking Tall" starring Joe Don Baker as the high-principled sheriff who single-handedly fought for justice in his small corrupt Tennessee Town. At the time I thought my Dad’s belief system was a bit old school and an embarrassment to my peers.   My mother also led a highly traditional life and also embraced these values. I remember how strict they were with an 11:00 pm curfew until I went to college. 

As an adult, I now understand and appreciate the code of ethics that my parents embraced as they raised our family.  I believe these values have also been ingrained in our children and are thankful that they are each perpetuating a value system that my parents would be proud of.  As our kids approached their teen years we also encouraged them to invite their friends to our home whenever they wanted.  As Mother’s Day approaches perhaps our upbringing was the greatest gift our parents gave us and that we have in turn given to our children.

At times, I have often been accused of being too honest like my Dad, which sometimes could create a Curb Your Enthusiasm type moment ( a time when one is annoyed and blurts out something that can be a bit embarrassing but truthful) but for the most part I don’t think this is a bad thing.  Of course, there were some questionable moments.  For example, once in the hospital my Dad blurted out that he thought Melissa McCarthy was overweight on Mike and Molly, although the aide helping him at that moment was also overweight  (she hopefully didn't hear this).  This was a definite bite your tongue un-pc moment.   Now when I look around at how the world has changed since both my parents passed away a few years ago I think this kind of innocent honesty was actually not a bad thing.

My perception of the world as I grew into adulthood was very naïve.  I believed that most people were good and saw the world through a similar lenses.  Until the recent election I had no idea what the term liberal vs. conservative really meant.  In Judaism, which was how I was raised, the Conservative movement represented a mixture of tradition with modern thought and is constantly evolving.  There was always conversation and room to discuss one’s thoughts on a given subject without a definite right or wrong.  Perhaps the most representative example of this is during the Passover Seder when the youngest family member asks the  "Four Questions" . The primary question “Why is this night different than all other nights?” is asked from the viewpoint of four different perspectives of learning.  This teaches that each question has a different interpretation based upon one’s perspective. Openness of differing ideas is encouraged and acceptable.  

Sadly today I see a different world.  The U.S. Conservative movement  objective focuses on preserving a less interpretative way of life and to bring America back to the perceived "good old days".   As exemplified in the recent firing of FBI Director James Coomey and the response by many leaders of the GOP party, I question the integrity of our political leaders, many who do not question authority and just follow along even at the expense of their moral code.  The administration spokesperson yesterday said Coomey's firing was due to the FBI losing faith in his work.  In a Senate hearing today,  the acting Director McCabe  contradicted this statement and reiterated that the staff of the FBI had the highest respect for Coomey and never questioned the integrity of his work.  Did the WH lie to us?  Will the WH say McCabe testimony is  "fake news"?  

I am weary that this behavior is filtering down to the general population.  Dishonesty and credibility are becoming the accepted norm with limited accountability. We deserve political leaders who are honest and tell us the truth.  At what price is the integrity of the spoken word being compromised?  When will our politicians learn that words and actions do matter?

Wendy recently joined Coldwell Banker Needham.  She has been a realtor for over 8 years and knowing the area quite well can share a hands on local perspective.  She has also recently earned the SRES  designation and looks forward to helping other baby boomers as they approach their next transitions.  Feel free to contact her directly or click here http://www.wendybcb.com if you would like to learn more.